Common marriage problems:

• Communication problems
• Boredom or monotony
• Sex, money, children and day-to-day problems
• Lacking commitment (or maturity)
• Giving up on the marriage
• Incapacity to handle conflict well
• Loss of intimacy
• Infidelity
• Needs not being met at home
• Unrealistic expectations

At the top of the list is communication problems. Most marriage counselors and relationship experts agree that loss of communication is a very serious threat to the marriage. It is worst when the couple altogether stops talking to one another. Fighting and bickering are far from ideal, but total loss of communication is even worse. When husband and wife stop communicating, there is no chance for them to let one other know what is wrong or what one wants, let alone to work out their problems.

Both spouses must therefore strive to communicate, and as openly, civilly and honestly as possible. It does not have to be face-to-face or orally all the time. Email, text and phone calls are fine, especially if a spouse is busy at work or elsewhere, or has to travel. Open communication becomes all the more important when there are problems in the household or in the relationship. The best way to learn about and address those issues is through open communication.

Other common marriage problems are boredom, monotomy, and the ‘seven-year itch’, which can lead to other problems like infidelity and having needs that are not being met at home. To avoid boredom and straying, both spouses must strive to keep the romance alive, and never neglect one another even—and especially—after many years of togetherness. Sliding into a marriage rut is all too common for long-time husbands and wives. One way to prevent this is to try to do new things together, like going on a trip somewhere they haven’t gone to before, or trying out a new sport or activity together. It also helps when both partners exert efforts to look good, stay healthy and attractive for one another. Looks are definitely not the be-all and end-all of relationships, but they help to keep the flame of romance burning.

Being too busy working for the family and raising children are also common marriage problems. In itself, being busy is not bad, but it can create issues and friction when it results to a spouse being neglected and feeling not appreciated, loved or valued enough. Here, the importance of communication once again comes into play. Despite having the busiest of schedules, each spouse can still—and should—find ways to communicate to one another that he or she is loved and appreciated. They can, for instance, schedule a date night once a month, during which they do not think of anything else but themselves as a couple having quality time together. Setting time aside for one another is important so as not to lose intimacy within the marriage.

Some maturity, good sense, conflict management skills, and definitely commitment are needed to make a marriage work. People should have realistic expectations about being married, that it is not all romance and fun. There are ups and downs in every marriage, and every couple fights now and then. There will be major quarrels and rough patches, but when the couple commits to staying together and working out their issues sensibly and civilly, all common marriage problems can be surmounted.

Great progress can be made and divorce can be successfully avoided if both spouses make the firm decision to work out their problems and stay married no matter what. This commitment wins practically half the battle. An all-too-common reason why marriages fail is that the couple gives up on each other and their relationship, without exhausting all means to stay together.

Looking into how to avoid divorce, as mentioned earlier, is no easy task. The couple should be willing to devote time and energy into saving their marriage, correcting past errors, and moving forward together. If infidelity was the problem, the cheating spouse should make amends and strive to be a better and faithful spouse. His or her partner must also work hard at learning to forgive, and working out his or her anger, resentment and feelings of betrayal. Both partners need to exert real effort. It is not a one-man (or one-woman) show, even though only one of them had the extramarital affair. They must also learn from what happened. That a spouse strayed indicates that something was wrong or lacking in their union, and this led to the commission of the unfaithful act. This does not excuse the cheating spouse. What it does is it opens an opportunity for them to examine their marriage with fresh eyes, discover what needs to be corrected, and proceed to correct those flaws.

Divorce can be avoided more easily if wrongs and problems are detected early, and acknowledged properly. Minor transgressions and wrongs can be forgiven and righted, but if they accumulate over time and allowed to fester, resentments can build up and become much harder to heal.

At other times, the breakdown of a marriage stems not from any direct fault of either spouse. Lack of communication, loss of intimacy, the pressures of family life, and similar problems can occur as natural byproducts of married life. When two persons have been married for a long time, they tend to take each other for granted and sink into a marriage rut. But again, there are ways to remedy the situation and bring harmony and romance back in the picture.

Here are some helpful suggestions on how to avoid divorce and make your marriage work:

• Set aside some quality time together. Even though the couple may be bombarded with chores and work commitments, they should still have a ‘date night’ every now and then. This is a time that they should just enjoy being with one another, just like when they were first dating. It need not be a formal date. A walk in the park or watching a movie together will do.
• Openly and honestly communicate. This cannot be overemphasized: couples must never stop communicating with each other. If they cannot talk face-to-face, they can text, email or call to keep in touch. What is important is that they stay connected every day.
• Spice up the marriage by doing something new and enjoyable. The couple can try out a new sport, take cooking or ballroom lessons together, or visit a place they have never gone to.
• Be supportive and appreciative of each other. Do not take each other for granted. Be a good listener, avoid pre-judging what the other is about to say, and be civil and respectful, even while fighting.
• Seek counseling when necessary.

Hopefully this article goes some way to showing you, that if you are looking into how to avoid divorce, it can be done.

Intimacy is something that can be given attention to in any kind of relationship. A person may or may not be vocal about their need for intimacy. Lack of intimacy comes in many forms, such as being unable to give priority time for your lover at least once a day, a not showing any displays of affection, or never making a simple text or call just to remind the other person that they are being thought about. There can be times when people do not even know that they crave intimacy. For instance, just because a person has a healthy sexual relationship, it does not mean that they are emotionally nurtured or taken care of by their partner. Something one person considers insignificant may be of high importance to the other.

If a person is uncertain if their partner’s thirsts for intimacy, there is no harm in asking them, the same way that it is not wrong to voice out your needs and wants for the improvement of the relationship. Talking about it will help to acknowledge the fact that it is important. Being aware of each other’s need for intimacy is a great foundation for a stronger and lasting relationship. Being attentive of a partner’s necessity for intimacy will make a big difference to the relationship. Not only will it establish one’s value in the relationship itself, but will also show exactly how one values the relationship. It is never too late to try and make a difference.

A partner can avoid a lack of intimacy by being creative and surprising a loved-one by showing how they care. Appreciate each other’s efforts. Support each other emotionally and forget the shyness. Step out of the comfort zone. Speak in a loving manner. Be patient and kind. Focus on one’s loved-ones instead of always making things about ‘me’. If a person has difficulty expressing themselves verbally, get a pen and paper and start scribbling down those sweet nothings. The possibilities are endless. Do not hesitate to be yourself!

Devoting some time to addressing the issue of lack of intimacy will help a person to relearn or get to know more about their partner’s love language. Once a person recognizes the weight and important of intimacy in their own life and that of their partner’s it can be an important step to getting a relationship back on track.

A lot of things can threaten a marriage. Both internal and external factors can put pressure on the relationship. Boredom, monotony, ‘the seven-year itch’, loss of intimacy, and communication problems are internal problems, while an affair, the in-laws, and pressure from work are some external sources of marital tension. Often, the problem is a combination of different things, or an accumulation of many problems that led into one another.

The first step to save a marriage is to acknowledge that there is a problem, and that this problem must be addressed. Pretending that everything is alright and going on as before may be the easy option, but it will only make matters worse. With the passage of time, resentment may build up over unresolved issues and unmet needs. And before everyone knows it, one spouse suddenly walks out and it is too late to salvage the marriage.

The second logical step is to identify the problem and find ways to solve it. Open communication is necessary to make this happen. Incidentally, open communication is itself one of the most important methods to be used in how to save your marriage. In fact, without communication, there can be no real marriage. Two people can coexist in one house as husband and wife, but if they don’t talk to one another meaningfully and intimately, they may as well be roommates instead.

Communicating with your spouse does not mean chatting away until the wee hours of the morning, or sharing every secret and private thought with one another. Sharing and talking is important; it helps to sustain intimacy within the marriage. But other forms of communication should not be overlooked: a touch or a kiss can express love much more movingly, and receiving a simple text message that says hello will brighten a busy day at work. Little gestures that couples use to let each other know that they are special and appreciated go a long way in keeping the romance alive in the marriage and indeed in keeping them together.

Other helpful tips on how to save your marriage are:

• Be respectful and civil to your spouse at all times, even when fighting. Think hard before calling each other ugly names or hurling insults that you might regret later.
• Listen without judgment. Allow the other person to speak his mind, without prejudging what he has to say or his motives for saying them.
• Do not keep scorecards of ‘things my spouse did wrong’ and ‘things I did right’.
• Sincerely apologize for mistakes and do not repeat them. Learn from past mistakes.
• Let bygones be bygones. Do not keep bringing up past hurts and mistakes.
• Learn to forgive.
• Be honest, but be calm and respectful while expressing feelings.
• Do something new together, like a sport or a vacation to a new place.
• Give each other space. Allow one another to have friends and interests that do not include you.
• Schedule a date night and spend quality time together once in a while, even though you may be very busy. Every now and then, treat each other like you did when you first started as a couple.
• Keep working on the relationship. Expect that there will be tough times, and commit to staying together despite them.

Hopefully this has given you some ideas on how to save your marriage, which with the right approach gives it the best chance possible.

Communication is a vital ingredient in any relationship, especially between husband and wife. It is also the means by which problems in the marriage can be discussed and addressed. When communication breaks down, more problems are created, and these problems can, sooner or later, spell the end of the relationship.

One reason communication problems in marriage come up is the couple’s busy schedules. Working so hard at earning money to sustain the family, or at taking care of the children and doing the housework, can mean that both spouses do not get to have time for each other. At the end of the day, they may be so exhausted that all they want is to sleep or rest. They do not get to talk about their day, or about anything. They may also forego sex and intimate activity as a result.

Another reason for the breakdown of communication is that a spouse may feel that he or she isn’t respected, listened to, loved, or valued enough. For instance, a wife who feels that her opinions are ignored, belittled or criticized all too often, will eventually stop talking to her husband. Because she feels that he is not at all interested in what she has to stay, she just quits trying to connect with him.

One way to prevent this from happening is to be honest about how one feels at the very start, and to express this in a civil, respectful manner at an appropriate time. ‘I feel bad when I talk to you and you don’t seem to listen’, when spoken quietly and sincerely, will engage the other spouse in a conversation in which his or her side will be aired too. It is a good idea to focus on using ‘I’ when expressing one’s feelings or thoughts, instead of the accusing ‘you’. Notice the difference between the ‘I feel bad when…’ sentence and this one: ‘You don’t listen to me anymore’. The latter sounds accusing and confrontational, and it may not be a good start to a productive conversation.

In other cases, it may be a good idea to seek outside help. Going to a marriage counselor will definitely help a couple who always fight and never seems to understand each other. A third party who is objective and who is there to mediate will help the couple find a solution to their marital woes.

With hard work, patience and commitment, a marriage, no matter how troubled, can be saved. As long as the couple is committed to each other and to making their relationship work, they can surmount whatever communication problems in marriage they may be having.

These are some actions that can help to avoid a boring marriage:

• Continue dating. Going out for a date is not only for unmarried couples. Schedule a date at least once a week like having a dinner in your favorite restaurant or watching a movie. Go have some fun. You talk, reconnect and flirt. Make your date always a special one.
• Plan some adventures . Go for a vacation. Go to a place where both of you haven’t been visited. If you are looking forward with your adventure together, you create excitement.
• Reminisce the good old days. It’s good to rekindle the days where you had your first movie or first date. It’s good to retell and hear the unforgettable stories to each other.
• Give something to your husband or wife even though there’s no occasion such as a box of chocolates, a favorite Chinese food or flowers.
• Create activities you both can enjoy. This is one of the best ways to avoid a boring marriage. It could be attending a class together. For instance, both of you want to learn how to cook Asian cuisines. If both of you are learning and it is something new for both of you, there will be another topic for you to discuss. You could share ideas. Both of you are learning and at the same time, you are bonding with each other.
• Make your home a place of haven. Most married couples just go home to rest. Look for a place in your home where you can create a haven or a nest where both of you could enjoy while at home. It is a place where you can unwind together, forget the outside world for the meantime or just a place to talk what happened during your busy day.
• Be partners in crime. Try something new or experiment something. If both of you love eating and cooking, try a new recipe together. Cook together and be a critic of each other.
• Plan together. If you have been together for a long time as a married couple, evaluate your status. Ask each other if where your family is going to be or what do you still want to achieve. Share to each other your opinions and insights regarding your future aspirations. This will help both of you have a purpose or goals that both of you agreed to accomplish.

Every relationship encounters problems. Married couples will face different sorts of marital problems. You do not need to allow problems to destroy your marriage. Hopefully the tips given above will give you some ideas on how to avoid a boring marriage.

Relationship problems could be as numerous as there are people in the world. We’re all unique and what one person would view as a problem, someone else might find helpful. It would be difficult if not impossible to generally pinpoint a root problem for everyone unless each person was examined individually.

Since you’re unique, the problems you may be experiencing in your relationship may indeed have a root. To discover that root problem may be difficult but with due diligence and commitment it can be found. It would begin with your discovering and examining yourself and your partner.

Self discovery comes from communicating with your partner with sincere conversations about the issues at hand. Unless you can narrow down the troubling issue, you must proceed generally and the process will lead to more clarity. Most of the usual problems should be discussed at length before marriage between you, your intended spouse and a qualified counselor or at least an unbiased person.

Most marriage counselors will agree that most issues that cause conflict stem from three things: money, sex and children. If a relationship can reach an agreeable balance in these three issues then you’ve gone a long way toward a successful marriage.

All three of these can rip a relationship apart if agreement cannot be reached. Assuming you’ve resolved the three most common problems in a relationship, let’s move on to other possible causes to see if you recognize a root problem.

Lack of trust can be a major contention especially in a young marriage. Trust must be earned in all things from use of money to infidelity. Sit down and have a talk focusing only on trust. Share your feelings. If one of you feels the other is not being totally honest then the trust issue is not resolved.

Being trustworthy requires a commitment on both parties to always be fair, truthful, consistent and do what you say you will do. It also means being sensitive, respectful and acting as a good listener.

Good relationships demand your undivided attention, especially when having a problem solving meeting. Things will go wrong so don’t overreact. Being sensitive means not bringing up old hurts. This opens up old wounds that should have been healed.

Compatibility is often at the root of many relationships. What attracted you to your spouse in the first place? Perhaps you shared a common interest in music, reading or sports.

But to build a relationship, it must go deeper than that. You must have common goals with similar attitudes and values. Be realistic and realize that the two of you are different.  Follow sound relationship problem advice, seek together the root of your problem and it will be found and solved.

However, just the fact that you are asking ‘can I save this marriage’ is already a very positive sign. Sadly, more and more people these days opt for divorce without even considering whether their marriage might be sustainable.

Even in the case of somebody who is very unhappy about the breakdown of their marriage, they often accept a divorce without question. You may even hear friends and family members advising you to forget it and move on. Do not listen to this advice until you are sure that there is really no chance of a future in your marriage.

Sadly, this is one of the biggest reasons for the increase in divorce rates over the past few years. Do you think that there were no affairs, arguments or other problems in marriages 20 years ago? No, marriage was just as difficult then as it is today. People just did not give up on their relationships so fast.

So can I save this marriage? Well first, if you both want to save it, then your marriage is almost certainly recoverable. You will need to do some work with a counselor and perhaps accept being more honest and trusting of each other. You might need to work on feelings that have arisen because of an affair on one or both sides, or other issues. But as long as you encourage each other to put the marriage at the top of your list of priorities, you have every chance of succeeding.

If it seems that you are the only one who wants to save the marriage while your partner wants a divorce, you will have a harder task on your hands. But it is still possible.

You can remind your partner of the reasons that both of you should try to save the marriage. There may be children. And whatever problems the two of you have, the same problems are likely to come up again in your next relationships unless you treat this as an opportunity to work on them and solve them now.

Remind your partner that ‘starting over’ often just means getting a chance to repeat the same mistakes. There is no point in running away from problems in a marriage. Instead, see them as an opportunity to work together, learn and grow. If you can do this, you may end up with a happier and stronger marriage than you ever had before.

Finally, be careful not to attach too much importance to falling in love. Just because one of you has fallen in love with someone else does not mean that divorce and remarriage has to follow. Many people fall in and out of love regularly. Even if it seems revolutionary, consider accepting this without allowing it to destroy your marriage.

In the end, only you can answer the question ‘Can I save this marriage’.