Communication Problems in Marriage
Communication problems in marriage are one of the greatest hurdles that couples must surmount to keep the marriage intact. These problems include miscommunication, lack of or insufficient communication, or the total absence of communication. Of these three types, the last is the most serious. Often, when couples altogether stop talking to each other, they are but a small step away from the dissolution of the marriage. They have practically given up on each other and on their relationship.
Communication is a vital ingredient in any relationship, especially between husband and wife. It is also the means by which problems in the marriage can be discussed and addressed. When communication breaks down, more problems are created, and these problems can, sooner or later, spell the end of the relationship.
One reason communication problems in marriage come up is the couple’s busy schedules. Working so hard at earning money to sustain the family, or at taking care of the children and doing the housework, can mean that both spouses do not get to have time for each other. At the end of the day, they may be so exhausted that all they want is to sleep or rest. They do not get to talk about their day, or about anything. They may also forego sex and intimate activity as a result.
Another reason for the breakdown of communication is that a spouse may feel that he or she isn’t respected, listened to, loved, or valued enough. For instance, a wife who feels that her opinions are ignored, belittled or criticized all too often, will eventually stop talking to her husband. Because she feels that he is not at all interested in what she has to stay, she just quits trying to connect with him.
One way to prevent this from happening is to be honest about how one feels at the very start, and to express this in a civil, respectful manner at an appropriate time. ‘I feel bad when I talk to you and you don’t seem to listen’, when spoken quietly and sincerely, will engage the other spouse in a conversation in which his or her side will be aired too. It is a good idea to focus on using ‘I’ when expressing one’s feelings or thoughts, instead of the accusing ‘you’. Notice the difference between the ‘I feel bad when…’ sentence and this one: ‘You don’t listen to me anymore’. The latter sounds accusing and confrontational, and it may not be a good start to a productive conversation.
In other cases, it may be a good idea to seek outside help. Going to a marriage counselor will definitely help a couple who always fight and never seems to understand each other. A third party who is objective and who is there to mediate will help the couple find a solution to their marital woes.
With hard work, patience and commitment, a marriage, no matter how troubled, can be saved. As long as the couple is committed to each other and to making their relationship work, they can surmount whatever communication problems in marriage they may be having.
